Love

 

.Romantic love does not exist.  Sexual attraction exists at the beginning of many if not most relationships  that end in long term partnerships. As a matter of fact I feel I have insulted the very concept of partnership by equating it with romance.

It’s been a while since divorce rates have passed the 50% mark. Now the bricks that bind our society, the nuclear family, (mom, dad, brother or sister) is at the skinny end of the slope downhill.   Just turn on the T.V., All too often the father is portrayed  a bumbling fool, the mother looks like a swimsuit model, the children are savvy stand-up comics and their relationship is a series of deceptions, and cute misdirections aimed at getting what they want at fathers expense.With the emasculation of the American patriarchy, with it’s defects, and butt of all humor, the very judgment and thought processes of the culture have been softened to  the condition of a warm loaf of bread. The robust nature of males has been assaulted to the point that a safety course on the proper use and misuse of the male penis is not far down the road.

With the popularizion of the “anti-hero” in popular culture, and the “bad boy” values that guided the hand of our men have lost their luster. It is true that there is a pile of work needed to merely civilize the millennia-old concept that patriarchy meant somebody was going to be victimized.

Grant me the serenity to accept, The things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the difference.

This old adage, popularized through A.A. has been contemplated endlessly. With the phrase “wisdom to know the difference.” presenting us with the conundrum of the day. It is a matter of deciding what is right and good on a case by case basis. There will never be an “answer” we can finish the matter with just the best we can do from moment to moment. Only 15 year old Gurus have that bit of wisdom nailed down.

At the very base of our culture, or any society, is the smallest bonded group, the family. With family  values, traditions and beliefs passed on and the roles , (patriarch, matriarch), clearly modeled from an older member, the strength of the family, neigberhood and local community. A man that can love his wife and children, stand with his heart covered and eyes on the flag can still do wrong. A man , on the other hand,, who commits many violent acts and lives selfishly is capable of acts of generosity upon occasion.

LOVE

I spent the day yesterday sitting with my 32 year old daughter as she had her chemotherapy treatment. I was humbled by the quiet courage I saw in this young woman. It is amazing how much spiritual strength you absorb just by being near such a strong personality. My wife  was also right there, giving as much love as she could. The prognosis on her stage 3 mass is positive. That is good. The mass is about the size of a handball. “Scary.”

Her four sisters, 3 young children, her mother and father as well as her partner will guarantee there is someone to be with her with her 24/7. Such is the strength the family, where no one is forced to comply but wants to please those who love them. The sinew, blood an bone of the patriarch was never meant to offend, to suppress those in their care, but such muscle was meant to stand in harms way  and protect those who cannot protect themselves.

Love is strength, it is patient……love is commitment to the whole, even at the expense ones own wellbeing. After the Roman empire collapsed, a thousand years of violence blood, and cruelty defined western culture. The inquisition, the crusades and war after war to aggrandize petty nabobs and their dreams of empire marked an era of ignorance crowned by conquest and plague ignorance threatened to wipe out the whole of western Europe.

But the heart of Christendom survived. The immutable truth, in the words of a humble carpenter served as a light toward which mankind could find its way.

Evil will be with us always. We must not give in. Our vigilance must not be abandoned to fear or fatigue. We must not turn our back on love. The fact is that any system of spiritual belief that gives the male head of the family king-like power… is doomed to abuse that power selfishly. You know…”git me another beer bitch!”

 

 

What we are made of…Pt. 1

 

 

 

100_3523Freud had a lot of rather perverse notions concerning human personality. Penis envy is the first to come to mind; in which he asserted females felt deprived of something that males had…a penis. Strange thought isn’t it.  The Electra complex (murdering  mom for full possession of dad), or the Oedipus complex, (the expunging of the father for full possession of the mother).   Freuds basic structure of the human personality, comprised of the evil Id,  the over critical Superego and the hypercritical superego  is dead on. It is the struggle for primacy between these opposing drives (instincts if you will.) that brings forth either the good  or the bad in men.

Trained in neurology, Freud saw the world from the micro to macro.  From the ravenous feral Id to the excruciatingly criticle  Super-ego, a constant psychic tug ot war battles for control of mans behavior. Will the Id win and the trigger is pulled……or will the shaming of the super-ego prevail and the gun be put peacefully back in the holster? The Id (feeding, fighting, fleeing and sex) The superego, (restraint, shaming and condemnation of the less than moral urges of the Id) and finally, the Ego the great negotiator of the mind, helps the Id get what it wants in socially acceptable ways.

Most conflict begins in the soul of each. War, murder, domestic violence , prison rape and  the guy with the ‘fro’ that paints happy little trees.(God I hate that guy).Bob RossOf all theories Freud’s tripartite structure to the average human personality is the most cross -culturally  meaningful.  Because he begins with life in it’s most primitive state and works to the most complicated organism there are no logical gaps to fill. No rationalization to whip out  when there are holes in the theory….it fits. As a matter of fact the behaviours are cross special. Just ponder a mother tiger cuffing a cub when it needs to learn not to play with dangerous things. It’s the same. the parents teach the young, guides and hones their survival skills. Same thing with all species.. Same thing as a human parent teaching a kid to look both ways before stepping into the cross-walk.

So there will be evil I the world…..as long as there are men in the world. The “Devil made me do it”! or I guess I should confess I did it; which ever way. Doesn’t matter, . Whether it is born on the wind or in mens hearts, there is evil in the world and there will always be evil in the world. The good man is defined by the courage he shows grappling with himself and the world.