THE ??? BETWEEN WOMEN AND MEN

 

Back in the day, ‘as they say’ we were hot to trot and wanted to ‘get laid’ or ‘get a piece of ass’. Then, as we became more evolved, the more sensitive men learned that these are rather crude, even insulting ways of referring  to seeking a person who was willing to have intercourse with us. So as were pouring  on the cologne and otherwise readying ourselves for the hunt, we would smile and say “yea gonna’ go out and talk some trash!     .”Women were supposed to have the option of saying a resounding “NO!” If they didn’t want the deal. Nuff said…..maybe a suicide upon rare occasion. Women were supposed to be the custodian of virtue and in control of their more base sexual drives. Then such  gentlemen  as Mr Hefnercame along and we had a full-fledged “sexuall revolution.”      In many ways it was a step we were not ready to take. As a survivor of the ’70s I remember the rather sloppy excess of sexuality that soon appeared garish and self conscious as the 80’s loomed at the vanishing-point on a horizon defined by AIDs and Crack Coke. Needless to say the party train slowed just a little bit.

Cussing, smoking , scratching your ass and coming on to potential sexual partners with the delicacy of a battering ram are just a few areas where women have mistaken bad manners for liberation. The fact is that (should I be walking down the ole’ boardwalk ) I would get a swat in the back of the head if I were hock a screaming – yellow – zonker  on it. It seems quite clear that assuming all the aggressive, (and most often undesirable  behaviors) of men is equal to personal empowerment to your average Andrea Dorken type.. It is not that liberation means assuming the aggression of males as much as it means that men abandon the condescending culture that pats the little woman on the head and sends her on her way.

Your average 14 yea old male,

Your average 14 year old female We have evolved through almost constant titillation, through all forms of media, movies, magazines, television and of course, the internet to a point where our youngest and most vulnerable are encouraged to present sexually arousing dress. It is not the child’s fault, they have not contrived to look like older sexually ready females. There has been at least two generations of parents who have destroyed the boundaries between parent and child. The distance that should be maintained between a child and the person who teaches, guides and most importantly punishes the child has been vilified. What is abuse? What is punishment? I as father of 5 females have found only a few reasons that were best sorted out by spankings among various other time outs and privileges withheld, I have been threatened with the police by my own children! The notion that the child can call the law on the parents came from her school. Schools taught by people who owe more to their union than they do to the child’s parents, have a possessive attitude toward all the children in their possession.   God help the child in the above pik, looking sheepish and naïve. She is giving hard core messages with her dress and is  left to deal with whatever reaction to her message of sexuality inspires in any male that sees her. It could be the gentalman in the pik below!  As As nation we have, in increasing steps sexualized the environment our children are raised in. A young psyche cannot fend off the constant sexual images and messages flooding from media outlets. They come to young adulthood with the impression the only worth they have is sexual attractiveness. Intellect, morality, athletic ability, dependability are meaningless in this culture. Being Hip ,slick, and cool are the  strongest signposts of excellence. The deeply emotional effects of sexual intercourse have never been imparted to our youth. Our daughters have not been taught to deal with the shame that keeps them silent. and increases sense of worthlessness  and adds to their confusion after they have been sexualy abused.

As a counselor I have seen an increasing number of males who brag about hitting their girlfriends. And young females often see nothing wrong, (as long as she deserved it). The notion that a male should be strong and when needed aggressive has been turned around. I was taught (in my ancient generation) that a mans strength was meant to be brought to bare when others who were weaker than us needed protection. Our strength was not meant to suppress our loved ones but protect them. Any special place men hold in the family is tied to his willingness to stand in harms way for his wife and children. This is his primary mission. Just as childbearing is the prime directive for the female counterpart. Of course I rush to assure the reader that women are capable of doing any task placed upon them by our society with the exception  of many tasks a that require heavy-duty physical strength.

Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Bill Clinton are some lead characters in cast of evil  men of privilege using their position to coerce sexual favors from those with less power. Such men have been abusing their position since Caligula. Some  things that will slow down this kind of behavior include intact families with two parents that have good moral compasses . Healthy families,(a family is only as sick as it’s secrets), that teach their children what behaviors to tolerate and those you should speak up about is a good start. Good  fathers are an area of importance in these times. The government is a poor substitute for a parent and the notion Pushed by most governmental organizations  that fathers are of marginal importance. The historically recent  experiment in paying women to get along without males produces generations of grown men who have the emotional mentality of  a five year old with a narcissistic sense of privilege. GOOD GOD! Even hang-dog Charlie Rose got canned for sexual harassment !! (Pik)

The raw facts reveal that this is a problem that will not go away any time soon. Each generation has it’s share of bad guys and commensurate bad behavior. It is also true that a good strong (supportive) family is the best defense against such misbehavior. As the father of five femals I see that after dark, each  female who goes to the Quick-Shop on the corner is accompanied by a male. If this seems condescending…… to bad. I never develop the Herculean denial skills that other folks have. I still believe that men should protect women. No matter how much I am marginalized and despised by the very women I seek to protect.